Narcissistic mother-in-law pressures couple to let her renew her vows at their wedding, refuses to contribute a penny despite attempt to co-opt celebration: "It's inappropriate to even ask"

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Feb 11, 2025 6:00 PM EST

To many, reaffirming one's vows seems unnecessary; what was said at the altar can never be taken back anyway. Some even consider these events to be a red flag pointing towards an inevitable divorce, signaling that a couple might be publicly overcompensating for some serious marital issues behind the scenes. However, for many other couples, it is just an excuse for a fun party and to celebrate long term love. Couples that originally could only afford a small wedding in their youth might want the experience of a bigger event after years of savings. 

In our story today, a couple wants to renew their vows. They jump at the opportunity when they are invited to a family event that will include all of their children — a rare occasion. However, the family event in question happens to be their son's wedding. Despite not contributing a single penny, the couple have the gall to ask for permission to co-opt the special day. Scroll down to read the internet's reaction. 

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  • 01

    My soon to be mother in low just asked me if she can renew her vows at our wedding

    "If we say no, we have a feeling it will end up being a massive fight."
    via Trung Nguyen from Pexels

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    My soon to be mother in law caught me very off guard yesterday when called me (before even talking to my fiancé, her son) and asked if her and her husband (my fiancés step dad) could renew their vows directly after our ceremony at our wedding.
    via u/SeniorGood6523
  • 03
    Cheezburger Image 10466760704
    via Kampus Production from Pexels

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 04
    A couple things to note: • My fiancé does not have a great relationship with her or her husband and feels like they only reach out to talk to him when they want or need something from us.
    via u/SeniorGood6523
  • 05
    They are not contributing a penny to our wedding and did not offer to when asking to renew their VOWS.
    via u/SeniorGood6523
  • 06
    • She said her main motivation for doing it at our wedding was that all 5 of her kids would be there, they all live in separate states and are hard to get in one place.
    via u/SeniorGood6523

  • “A couple of a things to note,” she says; more like, a couple of massive, glaring red flags. This couple seems so entitled and opportunistic.

  • 07
    Cheezburger Image 10466760960
    via omelnytskyi

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 08
    I am not someone who is super concerned with my wedding being all about me or anything like that. If anything, I think it's inappropriate to even ask and my fiancé feels like they essentially want to off our wedding (that we are paying close to 10k for by ourselves).
    via u/SeniorGood6523
  • 09
    If we say no, we have a feeling it will end up being a massive fight that may result in them not coming. What would you do?
    via u/SeniorGood6523

  • Not having parents at a wedding is a shame, for sure, but these two sound like such a handful that it might actually be a good thing if they refuse to come.

  • 10
    dn32dn Oh lord.... DM me her number and I'll tell her myself how extremely inappropriate that is!!
    via u/dn32dn
  • 11
    sqeeky_wheelz If I was in OP's family and had to watch the inlaws take over my sister/friends wedding I would boo it.
    via u/sqeeky_wheelz
  • 12
    dragonrose7 Perfect idea. Please DM her number to ALL OF US so we can explain it to her multiple times. She just seems like someone who won't get it the first 10 times she hears it.
    via u/dragonrose7
  • 13
    Beneficial-Pride890 Money is her motivation.That woman is out of bounds, and wants to use this your wedding with a built-in beautiful atmosphere to celebrate her, because she doesn't want spend money on her own event. What a narcissist, the audacity to even ask.
    via u/Beneficial-Pride890
  • 14
    Bastet79 I can explain her this in three different languages, if she needs this.
    via u/Bastet79
  • 15
    This-Decision-8675 Say no! Its totally inappropriate that is why she called you and not her son to try and manipulate you.
    via u/This-Decision-8675
  • 16
    Tall Confection_960 This. Hard no. Make sure the officiant knows about this so they can't try to pull a fast one the day of. It doesn't sound like your fiancé will be too upset if they don't come, but he needs to handle this.
    via u/Tall_Confection_960
  • 17
    JacketIndependent And so what if they don't go. When people ask why they're not there, tell them the truth. She wanted to have a co wedding/vow renewal where the bride and groom foot the bill, and she was told no.
    via u/JacketIndependent
  • 18
    Mmm_lemon_cakes And I'm pretty sure if this is normal behavior for her, every relative will roll their eyes and say "Of course that's why. Typical her!" And then they move on.
    via u/Mmm_lemon_cakes
  • 19
    CeeNee93 And if you feel saying no will result in them not coming, that's even more reason to say no. At any chance you do agree, put a price on it. At least $2000 imo.
    via u/CeeNee93
  • 20
    shay7700 Don't say anything. Have your fiancé tell her no. That he would like to attend their vow renewal whenever they decide to do it, but that he wants this day for the two of you. And leave it at that.
    via u/shay7700
  • 21
    Davlau Absolutely this. It's your husband's family and it's his place to tell her no. You should not be in that position. It's ridiculous that she even asked.
    via u/Davlau
  • 22
    GuidanceWonderful423 Absolutely this! Notice that she asked OP and not her own son. She knew he would say no and thought, for whatever reason, OP might be her better chance. She is clearly delusional. Who would ever say yes to this idea?
    via u/GuidanceWonderful423
  • 23
    Cetura-84 Hard no. It was not appropriate for them to ask, you are right. And it does sound like they are trying to take advantage of your event and the convenience of everyone being there, and you paying for it.
    via u/Cetura-84
  • 24
    Ok_Play2364 You said fiance doesn't have a good relationship with them and they only reach out when they want something. WHY would you care if they don't show up?
    via u/Ok_Play2364
  • 25
    lan3yboggs99 It's this right here. She is playing games with you. Oh if we don't do our vows we won't show up. Who cares? She s ks and isn't even important to fiancés life. Let her not come.
    via u/lan3yboggs99

Tags

vows narcissism bride groom wedding drama wife selfish reddit story relationships husband wedding couples mother in law love entitled reddit thread Reddit
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